Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite movie
Day 03 → Your favourite television program
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobbie of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

"Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite movie
Day 03 → Your favourite television program
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobbie of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

The Bible, and I am not kidding.

Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite movie
Day 03 → Your favourite television program
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobbie of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite movie
Day 03 → Your favourite television program
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobbie of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy
( A Bronx Tale )

I am starting this extremely late compared to the rest of you. I rarely post anymore, I will look at this as a catalyst of sorts.

Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite movie
Day 03 → Your favourite television program
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobbie of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy

"Just call me a trigger
And I will act accordingly

I must say I've been quiet for too long
Stopping every word from coming out
I'm breathing something different
Each time that I open up my mouth

We will all be a million things before we simply fall right into place

For those of you wide awake, wondering day after day
What will I be? What was I made for?
We all have forever, we'll all get better
Don't worry yourself to death

You've got a face and a name
Everything you need to be okay
Just wait for time to tell you
Save your worry for beyond the grave

We will all be a million things before we simply fall right into place

For those of you wide awake, wondering day after day
What will I be? What was I made for?
We all have forever, we'll all get better
Don't worry yourself to death

Just call me a trigger
And I will act accordingly

Say what you need to say to yourself
Take what you want, we're all here to help

The world is ours for the taking

For those of you wide awake wondering day after day
What will I be? What was I made for?
We all have forever, we'll all get better
Don't worry yourself to death"

The lyrics above are from the song Before You Fight This Battle by Conditions from their self-titled EP. There are few songs that truly knock me off my feet at first listen, and this is one of them. I have always been one to analyze lyrics, and I cannot get over how close those above reflect my core beliefs. I spend just about every day of my life speaking to individuals about the hope I have for the future based on God's word the Bible. I try to help people see that the conditions we live in today are not what God purposed for us. There is a reason for our suffering and the Bible does not teach that God is the cause of it. Most religions have failed to provide their followers with any comfort other than death and the "afterlife." 

Psalms 37:10,11, 29 states, "And just a little while longer, and the wicked one will be no more; And you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be.  But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, And they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.... The righteous themselves will possess the earth, And they will reside forever upon it." The scripture is clearly talking about an earthly hope where we have the opportunity to live forever.

Revelation 21:4,5 states, "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said: “Look! I am making all things new.” Also, he says: “Write, because these words are faithful and true.”" Death, sickness, and pain will be done away with and we will get better when we grow back into perfection.

 I am sure the band does not share the same interpretation, but It amazed me that I could listen to the lyrics and feel my faith mirrored.

"Be strong for me, I'll be strong for you.
You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I've been tired, oh-so tired."


I find that my life is a constant cycle of highs and lows. I often find it hard to strike an suitable balance between the two. There are times when everything seems to fall into place, and other times when everything falls apart at the seams. I'm starting to accept that with my joy will come pain. I do not want to come off as some ungrateful and overly cynical brat but you cannot argue with facts. I find it hard to put into words the struggle for dominance that goes on within my mind each day. My past, my present, and my future all clash to provide me with a never-ending barrage of emotions. Guilt, stress, excitement, hope, determination, and anxiety are just a few of the more prevalent.

Fortunately, I know all of it is temporary. The path I've decided to take is certainly the road less traveled. I am making my faith stronger by continuing to put Jehovah God first in my life. Most people had no solid believe in better future. I have to fight against the mentality to just "live for today." I cannot have it both ways.


It has been awhile since I decided to give you much thought. I will not play the fool for a third time. A passing moment of consideration is all I am willing to offer you now. Although I let you back in, I refuse to give you the same control. I still care, and I probably always will. Just remember, compromise is not total defeat.

When I speak your name
You'll probably like it yourself
That's what I never could take
You wanted me when and you wont admit
and the rest was just a waste of your time



Roommate Week is in full swing. Nina and I are staying at Noelle's house while her parents are away on a cruise. No wild parties or anything of that nature. To be honest, we only see it each other at the beginning and end of each day. It is giving me a glimpse at what living away from home would be like. It is impossible for me to say that I am not enjoying it. Since I've turned 21, both of my parents have given me a large amount of freedom in terms what I do and who I do it with. I will never tire of the ability to come and go as I please. Yet, I know the responsibility that comes with moving out is not something I can shoulder right now. Even when I find another job, I do not want the various obligations that come with living on my own.

I am happy to report that I have 50 hours in the field ministry. I am right on schedule. I am sure I can manage to get another 50 hours before the end of the month. I cannot express how happy I'd be to have the ability to take part of August off. Pioneer School is in less than a month. I cannot believe from July 6-17th I will be away. I am so excited, and nervous. Part of me feels like I will not know enough, but I guess that's the point. I am going to learn how to be a better servant of Jehovah. I've really seen him bless my ministry in the past few months. I now have two bible studies. My increased time in field service has given me a lot more calls and interested individuals to talk to. I whole-heartedly believe world conditions have a lot to do with people being more willing to listen. All I want to do is offer the wonderful hope I have for the future with as many people as I can. It seems unfair to have such immesne peace of mind, and not share it with others.


I am about to start my 3rd week of vegetarianism. It has been a lot easier than I ever could have expected. I do need to increase my protein intake. It isn't so much will power as it is getting over my laziness. I rarely cook, and this new lifestyle will require more effort on my part as well as my kitchen's.




I hope all is well with you. It seems like it has been ages. I feel like part of me will always wonder why I act the way I do towards you. I guess I will never know. I cannot help but think it is too late. It is time to move forward, but it is hard not to look back.

You say you always keep your word.
Show me what you're after.
I thought you'd promise me the world.
Tell me what you're after.
Go on and take it way too far.
'Cause here we are, waiting once again.
You say you always keep your word.
Show me what you're after.
Just a little faster.

Wait, it is June? We are almost halfway through the year. It seems like each new year gives me a new set of emotionally draining events to learn how to deal with. The past few months have been some of the most trialsome but rewarding of my young life. In the month of May I spent 105 hours out in the field ministry. I am only 5 hours away from being completely on schedule with my time.

Lately, I have been fighting some personal demons. I am slowly starting to realize that I am not as self-confident as I once thought I was. My insecurities are messing with my relationships with friends and family. I have trust issues. I think everyone has an ulterior motive. I never give 100% of myself to anyone. Part of growing up is learning how to put yourself on the line. There isn't always going to be a safety net. Sometimes, you have a fall down just to learn how to get back up. I cannot doubt everything, and everyone. It's not healthy.


Also, I feel the need to document that today I became a vegetarian. I see it as a challenge that will give me an opportunity to regain some of my focus. It won't be easy in my living situation, but I am determined.




P.S.
The lyrics at the opening of my entry are from the title tract off of There For Tomorrow's new album "A Little Faster" which I suggest you all go and pick up next week.

In spite of my continuous internal battles, I have been enjoying the month of May. As of today, I have 80 hours out in the field ministry. It is an amazing feeling to finally be able to catch up with my time requirement for the year. I wish I never had to go back to work again. The scheduling freedom being unemployed as given me is almost too good to be true. I've had the opportunity to spend two 10+ hour days out in service. I have two potential bible studies, and a lot of new calls. Jehovah is truly blessing my effort. I know I made the right decision and I think he is trying to show me that through the success of my ministry. This week, Julie's bible student Helena became an unbaptized publisher. She is progressing well. It is nice to feel like I am playing some small part in her spirtual growth.


I cannot say how much love and missed going to live shows. Thursday and Tuesday made me very happy. I had not seen theAUDITION in almost two years. I got to see The Great American Soundtrack again and buy their new EP. I highly recommend it, by the way. During the last song of The Secret Handshake's set I had a revelation.

( You, You act as if you never knew me. )

As if on cue, my life takes another turn for the worst. After not receiving a call back from the owner of the Curves in West Deptford, I find out today that I do not qualify for unemployment. I wouldn't be overly concerned if it was not for the insane credit card debt I am still in. Kim, the woman who I babysit for, opted to go back to an "on-call" schedule. Now, I am not sure what type of income I will be seeing each week, if any at all. I am trying my hardest to keep a level head. I know Jehovah will work it out in due time. At this point, my only real option is to take out a rather large loan from my mother.

Inspite of it all, I am so happy I can spend even more time in the field ministry. I am already ahead of my suggested weekly hours. The weather has made it a little more stressful because not many brothers or sisters have been out. The rain isn't doing much to help my overall mood either.

In my bible reading I am in the book of 1 Corinthians. Today, I cross-referenced "God's power" in 1 Corinthanis 2:5 and it took me to 2 Corinthians 6:7. I decided to read the entire paragraph the verse was taken from and I cannot express the emotions I felt when I was finished.

"In no way are we giving any cause for stumbling, that our ministry might not be found fault with; but in every way we recommend ourselves as God’s ministers, by the endurance of much, by tribulations, by cases of need, by difficulties, by beatings, by prisons, by disorders, by labors, by sleepless nights, by times without food, by purity, by knowledge, by long-suffering, by kindness, by holy spirit, by love free from hypocrisy, by truthful speech, by God’s power; through the weapons of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, through glory and dishonor, through bad report and good report; as deceivers and yet truthful, as being unknown and yet being recognized, as dying and yet, look! we live, as disciplined and yet not delivered to death, as sorrowing but ever rejoicing, as poor but making many rich, as having nothing and yet possessing all things." - 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Struggles are only to be expected considering how deep we are into the end of this system of things. I know Jehovah will not allow me to be "tempted beyond what [I] can bear."

I want to thank all of you for sticking by me. I do not know what I'd do without your friendship and constant support. I love you.

They were wrong.

I apologize if you are an avid reader because I know I have neglected my poor livejournal for over a week now. Lately, it seems like I've been living outside of my body. I am watching each day of my life go by as a spectator instead of being an active participant. I decided I needed to take the time to re-examine my priorities. I often say one thing and do the exact opposite. I always end up feeling like one big walking contradiction.

There are people and situations I need to remove from my life. I am determined to not give Satan anymore help in his efforts to pull me away from Jehovah. When taking into consideration that I tend to be a magnet for questionable behavior, immediate action was necessary. My heart aches. No one enjoys losing a friendship. Yet, I do not want to become "unevenly yoked." The reason why my other relationships are so strong is because we all have the same foundation, our faith. We have the same goals, and motivation. I was "foolish" to think I could built something sturdy "upon the sand."

I am officially unemployed. To my surprise, my boss contacted another Curves Club in West Depftord. Vikki, the owner, is in desperate need of a new employee. She called me today and wanted to know if she could put me right on the schedule at her facility. I told her I would to come in and speak with her first. I will have to explain that I cannot work Thursday or Saturday. Wednesday-Friday mornings I am now permanently babysitting at Kimmie's. Monday and Tuesday are reserved for full days in the field minstry. I need off in June for the District Convention as well as the entire month of July for Pioneer School and Seldom Worked Territory. I am going to keep it a constant matter of prayer. She is offering me $9 an hour, which would make the commute more manageable. At this point, I can easily say I will not compromise my service to Jehovah for money. I am honestly thinking about just taking the summer off. We shall see. "Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5,6

The ministry is my main source of joy. With the change in the weather I was expecting more people out. Ernie Cummingham is getting discouraged. He is like a second father to me, and he has such a good heart. If I cannot do anything else, I want to be constant support system to him and the rest of the congregation in their efforts to serve to Jehovah. "Let us hold fast the public declaration of our hope without wavering, for he is faithful that promised. And let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, as some have the custom, but encouraging one another, and all the more so as YOU behold the day drawing near."-Hebrew 10:23-25

One day at a time. I am a better person today than I was yesterday.

I am taking it one day at a time, and I am trying to make each day better than the last.

In speaking about Jehovah's laws and commandments Psalms 119:195 states, "Abundant peace belongs to those loving your law, and for them there is no stumbling block."

If I fall it's because I allowed it to happen. I am in control of my life. I have no one to blame but myself for the mistakes I've made. All I can do now is move forward. No more looking back and dwelling on the past.

I love Jehovah God, and I want to serve him to the best of my ability. I am not ashamed of my faith, my morals, and my values.

I am far from perfect, but I will no longer let my imperfection be a crutch.

If it is not one thing it is another.

Newton's 3rd Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I am slowly starting to realize how much I still need to change in my life. I am considered an example, and some of the decisions I've made recently are far from commendable. I'm aware that I am not perfect, but I can do better than I am. All I want is to be the best person I can be. I have to change my perspective in quite a few areas.


"So, flee from the desires incidental to youth, but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace, along with those who call upon the Lord out of a clean heart."- 2 Timothy 2:22

Good vs. Evil
Right vs. Wrong

Even with the battle lines clearly drawn I am having a hard time staying on my side. I know I have to fight against the sin and imperfection I was born into, but I thought I had more will-power than this. Why is it impossible for me to move on? It is not love, or lust. It is simply want. I want what I cannot have. I have reverted back to the spoiled child of my youth, and you are a new shiny new toy. Having you in my life would come with a price I am not willing to pay. 

"From what source are there wars and from what source are there fights among YOU? Are they not from this source, namely, from YOUR cravings for sensual pleasure that carry on a conflict in YOUR members? YOU desire, and yet YOU do not have. YOU go on murdering and coveting, and yet YOU are not able to obtain. YOU go on fighting and waging war. YOU do not have because of YOUR not asking. YOU do ask, and yet YOU do not receive, because YOU are asking for a wrong purpose, that YOU may expend [it] upon YOUR cravings for sensual pleasure. Adulteresses, do YOU not know that the friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever, therefore, wants to be a friend of the world is constituting himself an enemy of God."- James 4:1-4

You are not a bad person, but you do not share my faith. This situation is starting to resemble a bait and switch. The moment I let my guard down I know you are going to change. No matter how much I think you are being genuine, it all seems too good to be true.

This time of year a lot of thought is given to Jesus Christ. His life, his death, and his teaching. Today, after sundown, over 7 million Jehovah's Witnesses across the world, along with their invited guests, will observe the Memorial of Christ Death. The date corresponds with the 14th day of the Jewish month Nisan, which in 33 C.E. was when Jesus faced execution. Three days later Jesus died, and was raised as a spirit back to heaven. Most of you already knew those details, seeing as it is principle Bible teaching.

Have you ever heard of Jesus death being called a ransom sacrifice? If so, you do know why?

Put simply, the ransom is God’s means to deliver, or save, humankind from sin and death. (Ephesians 1:7, "By means of him we have the release by ransom through the blood of that one, yes, the forgiveness of [our] trespasses, according to the riches of his undeserved kindness.") To grasp the meaning of this Bible teaching, we need to think back to what happened in the garden of Eden. Only if we understand what Adam lost when he sinned can we appreciate why the ransom is such a valuable gift to us.

After Eve listened to the serpent's voice (Satan's), in the garden of Eden,  by eating the 'forbidden fruit' she then offered some to Adam. He knew God's commandment against partaking of the fruit yet he did so anyway. Genesis 3:17-19 explains happened next, "And to Adam he [God] said: “Because you listened to your wife’s voice and took to eating from the tree concerning which I gave you this command, ‘You must not eat from it,’ cursed is the ground on your account. In pain you will eat its produce all the days of your life. And thorns and thistles it will grow for you, and you must eat the vegetation of the field. In the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return."

When Adam disobeyed God and was condemned to death, he paid a very high price. His sin cost him his perfect human life with all its blessings. Sadly, Adam lost this precious life not only for himself but also for his future offspring. God’s Word says at Romans 5:12, “Through one man [Adam] sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned.”

So, Adam gave up his perfect human life. Since a perfect human life was lost, no imperfect human life could ever buy it back. What was needed was a ransom equal in value to what was lost. This is in harmony with the principle of perfect justice found in God’s Word at Deuteronomy 19:21 which says: “Soul will be for soul.” So, what would cover the value of the perfect human soul, or life, that Adam lost? Another perfect human life was the “corresponding ransom” that was required.

Jesus Christ, left his place in heaven beside his father, to be born as a human to a virgin by the name of Mary. When the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary at Luke 1:35 he said, "Holy spirit will come upon you, and power of the Most High will overshadow you. For that reason also what is born will be called holy, God’s Son." Therefore, Jesus was born without the penalty of sin.  This put him in the perfect position to offer his life in exchange for mankind. 

Three key benefits to Jesus ransom sacrifice are the forgiveness of sins, a clean conscience before God, and the hope of everlasting life on a paradise earth. Romans 6:23 puts it beautifully in saying, "For the wages sin pays is death, but the gift God gives is everlasting life by Christ Jesus our Lord."

How can we show our appreciation for such a loving and self-sacrificing act?

Well, one way is the attend the annual observance of the 'Lord's Evening Meal' as know as the Memorial of Christ's Death.  At Luke 22:19 Jesus said, "Keep doing this in remembrance of me." Those of you who are not one of Jehovah's Witnesses, most-likely received a tract over the past few weeks inviting you to come to the event at the Kingdom Hall in your general area. I warmly encourage you to go. There is no collection, and no obligations in your attending. There is a 30 minute talk that will go over, in more detail, much of what I discussed in this journal entry. This is the most important day of the year for me. I'd love to hear if any of you were able to attend. If you have questions or concerns feel free to ask. A lot of what I touched on can be found in a publication called What Does The Bible Really Teach? If you decide to attend the Memorial, don't hesitate to ask someone in the congregation for a copy if you are interested in learning more.

Someone's recent journal update made me feel the need to post all of the links to the various social-networking sites I am apart of. They are as follows:

Facebook
Myspace
Youtube
Tumblr
Twitter
 

Feel free to add/follow me if you are not already.